As a former US Army Sniper and contractor for the infamous Black Water USA military contracting company, I spent years in combat. It is through years of battle that I saw the hurt war caused and the separation it not only creates from home, but from self.

The real battle for me started when I came home. All the change and hurt that sculpted a new psyche wasn’t seen until it could be contrasted against the backdrop of something besides war. Through the outlet of writing prose, essays and short stories of experiences, I began to heal.  My non-fiction writing and stories are a glimpse into the mind of a soldier now home and wrestling with the guilt of survival.

 

Working on Septic

So this poem thing I wrote is interesting.  I don't write poetry.  I certainly don't read it either.  This thing hits me hard though.  Hell, I wrote it and it kicks my butt every time I read it.  I guess there's something to it. I went on a cruise with my wife and...

Punch me in the face, it’s good for me.

Growing up, I wasn't very good at fighting. I didn't do it often and if I did, I lost. I was a decent wrestler for a few years, but outside of a matted floor, I wasn't much. I remember the first time I was bullied badly. There was this kid named Noel...

Confidence

My last post was about getting bullied and how it took years for me to realize how it hurt my own confidence. I've spent the past few weeks thinking about the source of confidence in more detail. I'm doing this project at work right now. Most people love it, some...

Chekhov’s Gun

Anton Chekhov eloquently stated years ago a simple fact with respect to story construction.  If you have a gun leaning against the wall during the first act of a play, you better use it in the second act.  Otherwise, get rid of the gun.  This is an important ideal, it...

The Dead Miss Us – Suicide From Drugs

The dead miss us. I know. My best friend comes to say hi more often than he should. I don’t know how it works, or if it’s really him, but he’s there. I think. His name is Angel. Well, Angel Cruz Lee. People called him Cruz. He really wasn’t much of an angel, but he’s...

I’m sorry son, the world isn’t good enough for you.

I hit a deer the other day. My son walked out to the driveway to survey the damage. He looked at the deer fur and deer poop splattered across the broken grill of my SUV. Then he sat down in the driveway and started crying. “Dadda, I love deers and ladybugs. I’m so sad...

War Is Never Over – PTSD and its effects

    For years I thought the idea of saying I had PTSD was bad. I viewed it as a term of weakness. I didn’t live through Vietnam so what I saw and went through wasn’t bad enough to warrant something so horrible. Sounds silly, but it was what I thought and...

Ten-speed vs. a quarter pipe

I tried to ride a ten speed off a skateboard ramp once.   We had just moved into the crappy rental house on the street. It was kind of exciting because living in a house was not something we always got to do. I was ten years old, and the kids who lived on the...
The Rear Naked Choke And Motivation

The Rear Naked Choke And Motivation

I was teaching Jiu Jitsu recently.   While teaching,I thought a lot about how my internal drives and motivation are sometimes used in the wrong way. We were going over the most iconic of moves in combative wrestling. The Rear Naked Choke.   For the...

Bad-Assery is a thing

Roy P. Benavidez is a bad ass mother fucker. On May 2nd, 1968 he spent six hours in hell. He was shot seven times. One time was in the back, and the bullet exited his chest just below his heart. He had 28 pieces of shrapnel in his body and he had been stabbed no less...

Flames that melted my heart

I've written about my son in the past.  Maybe it’s because he’s a conflagration of love, pride and hope for the future.  Maybe it’s because children are the bright and shiny embodiment of possibility in every parent’s eyes.  Or, maybe it’s because he is the thing we...

Ten-speed vs. a quarter pipe

I tried to ride a ten speed off a skateboard ramp once.   We had just moved into the crappy rental house on the street. It was kind of exciting because living in a house was not something we always got to do. I was ten years old, and the kids who lived on the...

War Is Never Over – PTSD and its effects

War Is Never Over – PTSD and its effects

    For years I thought the idea of saying I had PTSD was bad. I viewed it as a term of weakness. I didn’t live through Vietnam so what I saw and went through wasn’t bad enough to warrant something so horrible. Sounds silly, but it was what I thought and...

Chekhov’s Gun

Chekhov’s Gun

Anton Chekhov eloquently stated years ago a simple fact with respect to story construction.  If you have a gun leaning against the wall during the first act of a play, you better use it in the second act.  Otherwise, get rid of the gun.  This is an important ideal, it...

Confidence

Confidence

My last post was about getting bullied and how it took years for me to realize how it hurt my own confidence. I've spent the past few weeks thinking about the source of confidence in more detail. I'm doing this project at work right now. Most people love it, some...

Working on Septic

So this poem thing I wrote is interesting.  I don't write poetry.  I certainly don't read it either.  This thing hits me hard though.  Hell, I wrote it and it kicks my butt every time I read it.  I guess there's something to it. I went on a cruise with my wife and...